“Needing” a doula (or not)

I have a confession, I have really been struggling with what the point of a doula even is. I have attended births as a midwife assistant and seen births with a doula and no doula.

Most of the time when there isn’t a doula, as the midwife assistant, I work to fill in most of the physical gaps. I do counter pressure, make sure mom is hydrated, clean up after the birth and take down the birth pool. (Not all midwives will have their assistants do this but this has been my personal experience)

So why hire a doula? A few weeks ago I panicked. What is my purpose at a birth if the physical needs of the laboring mother are still met when there is no doula?

But my husband brought up a very good point to me as I was going in circles about if I should even be doing this work. “Is it only about the physical stuff?” “People aren’t going to hire you because they want counter pressure they are going to hire you because they want the relationship, they want you.” He challenged my doubts and reminded me that the whole reason I wanted to do this work was to develop deep relationships with women.

And he is exactly right.

So here is my confession to you all, you can have a home birth without a doula. You can even have a home birth by yourself if you really wanted to. It is very likely your midwife will end up taking on a lot of the doula role in a physical way. Your husband can do counter pressure, your birth pool will get cleaned up by somebody.

Do not hire me just because you want someone to meet the physical needs. Hire me because you want someone to do the whole thing with you. Pregnancy, birth and postpartum.

I want to be a doula that walks with you through the whole thing pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I don’t want our relationship to be solely focussed on labor to me it is so much more.

If you don’t want to go deep and talk about the hard things of life, I am probably not the doula for you. If you want someone to give you 10 different suggestions for labor positions, I am also probably not the doula for you.

If you want someone that knows you well and then shows up to your birth, prepared to remind you exactly who you are and what you are here to do, I am absolutely your gal.

So while I may use the word doula, my hope is that my role is closer to sister or friend. My hope is that we can truly work together to saturate your birth with the presence of Jesus.